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Good Programming Jokes?

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Good Programming Jokes?

Does anyone know any good programming jokes? If so post it here.

Here is an example:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None - It's a hardware problem!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Pete
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Old one, but here ya go:

"There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t."
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More of a math joke than a programming joke... but worth a post.


Why didn't the programmer get a new car?

He couldn't find anyone to cosine.
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How many programers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None - It’s a hardare problem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie Viola View Post
How many programers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None - It’s a hardare problem
I could swear I heard that somewhere before, if I could just put my finger on it....


=========================================

How can you tell when a programmer has had sex?
When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.

=========================================

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

=========================================

A computer programmer is sitting under a tree when another programmer pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first programmer asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The programmer on the bike replies, “While I was walking outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first programmer responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

=========================================


A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a ŵhorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
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Last edited by End User; 02-18-09 at 03:59 PM.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by End User View Post
... A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a ŵhorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Hahahaha .... the best one so far .... by far.

Pete
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The Evolution of a Programmer. I mostly like the manager part

Code:
High School/Jr.High

        10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
        20 END

First year in College

         program Hello(input, output)
          begin
             writeln('Hello World')
          end.

Senior year in College

         (defun hello
          (print
           (cons 'Hello (list 'World))))

New professional

         #include 
        void main(void)
         {
          char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
           int i;

           for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
             printf("%s", message[i]);
           printf("\n");
        }

Seasoned professional

        #include 
        #include 
         class string
        {
         private:
          int size;
           char *ptr;
         public:
           string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}
           string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
          {
           ptr = new char[size + 1];
           strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
           }
           ~string()
          {
           delete [] ptr;
           }
           friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
           string &operator=(const char *);
          };
         ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
         {
           return(stream << s.ptr);
         }
         string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
         {
          if (this != &chrs)
           {
            delete [] ptr;
          size = strlen(chrs);
          ptr = new char[size + 1];
             strcpy(ptr, chrs);
          }
           return(*this);
        }
         int main()
         {
           string str;
           str = "Hello World";
           cout << str << endl;
           return(0);
         }

Apprentice Hacker

 #!/usr/local/bin/perl
 $msg="Hello, world.\n";
 if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
   while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
     $outfilename = $arg;
     open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
     print (FILE $msg);
     close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
   }
 } else {
   print ($msg);
 }
 1;

Experienced Hacker

 #include 
 #define S "Hello, World\n"
 main(){exit(printf(S)  strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}

Seasoned Hacker

 % cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
 % a.out

Guru Hacker

 % cat
 Hello, world.
 ^D

New Manager

 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
 20 END

Middle Manager

 mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
 Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
 I need it by tomorrow.
 ^D

Senior Manager

 % zmail jim
 I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.

Chief Executive

 % letter
 letter: Command not found.
 % mail
 To: ^X ^F ^C
 % help mail
 help: Command not found.
 % damn!
 !: Event unrecognized
 % logout
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeroon View Post
The Evolution of a Programmer. I mostly like the manager part

Code:
High School/Jr.High
 
        10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
        20 END
        ...
lol .... wow!

Pete
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Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects
are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:


FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
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Not really a programming one but its all good.

All my girlfriends names have ended in jpg.
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